An Interesting Engagement
by Picture
Summary: A series of unrelated one-shots, each resulting in the engagement of Shikamaru and Temari, so it's ShikaTema, I guess. In-universe. Rated for language and use of alcohol. Part 8: On a Clear Day, You Can See Forever. Oh, wait, wrong reference.
1. Dodging the Question

For some reason, I have become obsessed with Shikamaru and Temari becoming engaged. Not even the wedding, the engagement for cryin' out loud. Anyway, I just had to get these out of my head, so I thought I might as well put 'em up.

I confess I'm new to the Naruto-verse, so if I have made any mistakes regarding the show or terminology please feel free to let me know (nicely- this is, after all, for fun). Thanks!

I disclaim any ownership of _Naruto_.

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Gaara sighed and pressed the tips of his fingers together. He was in a bind, and, unlike most of his life's problems, this one was entirely his fault. Well, almost entirely. If that poor excuse for a kage had not asked the question in the first place, Gaara would not have been in the uncomfortable situation he found himself in. If the older man could just have kept his mouth shut, the Kazekage would not have had to taken such drastic measures, and he certainly would not have been frowning and intently staring at his desk while ignoring the fidgeting of his older brother Kankuro off to his right, at least not all at once.

The door opened, "Lord Kazekage, the Leaf Shinobi has arrived," Matsuri announced. Gaara only nodded in response. A few seconds later, in walked the Leaf's resident genius, Shikamaru Nara, hands in his pockets, trademark bored expression on his face.

"Lord Kazekage," he acknowledged flatly, not bothering to greet the room's third occupant.

"Nara," Gaara replied. There was a moment of silence. Kankuro coughed. Gaara shot him a nasty look.

"You needed to see me for something…." Shikamaru prompted, still sounding as if he could not care less what exactly that something was, even after having made the trek to the Village of the Sand.

"Yes…." Gaara dragged, "I need to know your… feelings… concerning my sister." Gaara tapped his fingers together, glaring over them at the man standing before him.

Shikamaru did not so much as raise an eyebrow, "I don't see how that's any of your business," he drawled, his disinterested gaze wandering around the room.

"I told you you'd have to-" Kankuro started.

"Kankuro!" Gaara snapped dangerously, "I agreed to let stay in here on the express condition you not say _anything_. It hasn't even been two _minutes_," Kankuro raised his arms defensively, smiling guiltily and halting his speech.

The Kazekage turned back to Shikamaru, beginning to tap his fingers again. He eyed the strategist warily, contemplating his options. Shikamaru stared back steadily. Kankuro looked back and forth between the two of them. This was certainly interesting.

"Well," Gaara decided slowly, "I suppose I owe you an explanation." In the corner, Kankuro could not believe what he had just heard. He looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

"I suppose facial expressions are a-okay, then," Shikamaru commented.

Ignoring this, Gaara continued, "I recently had a diplomatic… meeting… with the Tsuchikage. We usually manage to get along… passably, but I-" Kankuro coughed again and Gaara paused a moment before rephrasing "_we_ have noticed he seems to have developed an…. interest in Temari."

This time Shikamaru looked slightly surprised.

Gaara sighed once again, "I began to make sure she was out on missions or otherwise absent during such… encounters, but he kept asking after her. And this time," Gaara gritted his teeth, "he asked for her hand in marriage."

"And you said?" Shikamaru could not help asking. Whatever Gaara had answered, he knew it could not be good. Either he had created a political rift with a refusal, or even worse, he had said _yes_. But Shikamaru had not yet figured out where exactly the Kazekage thought he fit into all of this when he heard Gaara speak again.

"I don't like the man. I don't want my sister to marry him. But I had to think of a way to avoid his ridiculous proposal without offending the Rock Village. I knew something like this would probably happen eventually, but I must confess I was not prepared…. So I told him Temari was already engaged."

And it hit him like Choji on the way to an all-you-can-eat barbecue buffet.

Before Shikamaru could even fathom forming a response, the voice of the sand siblings' old sensei came ringing through the door.

"Temari, I think it's best if you stop and try to control your temper," Baki pleaded. Gaara's eyes went wide and Shikamaru froze.

"Crap, she's back early," Kankuro spouted, taking a scroll off his back.

"Hide," Gaara told Shikamaru.

"Wha-?" he asked, only to be grabbed by Kankuro mid-question.

"This is for your own protection as well as ours," Kankuro informed him. Shikamaru found himself thrown hastily into Kuroari, one of Kankuro's puppets. Rubbing the back of his head, Shikamaru sighed. There certainly must have been a better place to hide than inside a puppet.

"_Wait a minute_," he thought, remembering a certain story Kiba had told him, "_Wasn't this thing some sort of death trap_." Shikamaru groaned inwardly and tried to stay completely still.

"No Temari, you can't go in there," Matsuri panicked just outside the door.

The door of the Kazekage's office swung open and slammed again violently in Matsuri's face, though Gaara was fairly certain his former student, along with Baki, would be listening through the door.

"Gaara," Temari greeted, voice low and dangerous, with a tone to rival her youngest brother. Kankuro was surprised. Temari always addressed Gaara formally in his office.

"How was the mission, Temari?" Gaara asked smoothly.

"The _mission_ was fine," Temari seethed , "but while in the Mist I happened to run into the ambassador from the Rock. You remember, the nice older man who's always talking about his grandchildren."

Gaara simply nodded. Temari took a breath. She knew he knew more than he was letting on.

"Well, he was able to break from showing me his latest batch of pictures long enough to congratulate me on my _engagement_," she continued. Her brothers stared back at her. Neither one seemed as if they were going to say anything.

"It gets better," Temari glared at Gaara, "You'll never guess who he- and the entirety of the Rock and the Mist- think I'm engaged to."

"Orochimaru?" one of her brothers ventured cheekily.

"Not funny Kankuro," Temari threatened.

"Come on, sis, lighten up," Kankuro chuckled nervously, accidentally elbowing Kuroari. Shikamaru felt something sharp jab his left arm, kind of like Ino if you said something bad about her hair. Or the flower shop. Or her friends. Or that socially inept artist on Naruto's squad.

"Ow," yelped Kuroari.

"Taken up ventriloquism, Kankuro?" Temari raised an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah, that's it," Kankuro stuttered.

"Out with it."

Kankuro debated for a minute, glancing at Gaara, who had shut his eyes in frustration, before deciding to come clean. He opened Kuroari and pulled out a disgruntled Shikamaru, setting him on his feat.

"What are you trying to do, kill me?" Shikamaru asked indignantly, holding his now bleeding arm.

"Heh, heh," Kankuro chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Temari's eyes were as wide as the stars on her fan, "What the hell is going on here?" she muttered. She still sounded upset, but she pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Shikamaru.

"You stop bleeding all over the Kazekage's office!" Temari ordered. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and muttered something which sounded a lot like 'troublesome'.

"You stop opening your big mouth," Temari pointed at Kankuro, "and you," she looked at Gaara, "stop trying to be mysterious and tell me how this _engagement_ came about."

"…," Gaara was still glaring down at her over his hands. Temari waited. If either of the other men knew anything, and Temari suspected they did, neither was offering any more information than the Kazekage.

Gaara cleared his throat, "I had to tell the Tsuchikage a bit of a lie to get him to… you know… stop stalking you."

Shikamaru scoffed at Gaara's lapse into informality. The looks he received from the three sand siblings shut him up immediately.

"He didn't," Temari gawked disbelievingly at her brothers.

"He did," Kankuro affirmed solemnly.

"I see," Temari replied after considering for a moment, "And?" she spared another glance at Shikamaru.

"I told him you were already engaged to Nara," Gaara blinked.

Temari twitched, "Then what? You insisted the Hokage send him over here right away on some pretext of an emergency so you could, through various tactics," Temari gestured vaguely towards Gaara's sand gourd, "intimidate him into going along with your little scheme."

"Actually," Kankuro shrugged, "that's pretty accurate."

"But it was an emergency," Gaara interjected as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru was thinking over the situation. On the downside, Shikamaru was beginning to assume Kankuro's deadly puppets had been part of the plan all along. On the upside, Gaara seemed to like him better than… some creepy guy he had never met.

"Why him?" Temari's question brought him back to reality. Her voice was soft and Shikamaru was not sure she had meant to say that out loud.

"For some reason," Gaara mused, "he was the first person that came to mind." If he had not known better, Shikamaru would have sworn Temari was showing the slightest hint of a blush. Shikamaru blinked. This just kept getting weirder.

"Am I really that bad?" Shikamaru smirked.

"I didn't mean-" Temari stuttered, until she saw the expression on Shikamaru's face, "Oh, you know what, you all can just-"

"Temari," Gaara prompted gently, "I was just trying to protect you."

"I know," Temari sighed, "I wish you had just told me about it. It was a bit of a shock." Temari rubbed her temples. Her brothers visibly relaxed.

"Well, now that we've got that straightened out, I think I'm gonna go work on Kuroari a little bit… you know, clean up the blood," Kankuro informed the others as casually as possible. Shikamaru rolled his eyes again.

"But we haven't cleared it up," Gaara told him, oblivious to his brother's intention of leaving the room.

"Oh no you don't," Temari grabbed Kankuro's shirtsleeve.

Realization hit Gaara, "Ah, Temari, perhaps it is best if we retire for a while and let you discuss things with your… fiancé." Leaving suddenly seemed like a good option.

"What? No! This is your problem. You deal with it," Temari insisted, panicking.

"I'm sorry it came to this, but it's now your problem, sister," Gaara stood calmly and walked out of the room, followed by an escaped Kankuro

"The standard threats apply," Kankuro mentioned, waving his arm idly as he and Gaara passed Shikamaru, leaving Temari gaping in their wake. The door closed and there was absolute silence. Temari frowned, looking down.

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this, Shikamaru," Temari said finally, still not looking at him and returning to sounding angry.

Shikamaru shrugged, "It's alright. At least my mom will be happy about it. She's always nagging me about settling down and all that."

Temari smiled gratefully, "It's not too 'troublesome' for you?"

Shikamaru shrugged again, "It's kind of a drag, but…." Sure, a few days ago he had been listlessly watching the clouds and not dealing with the rather scary Kazekage and his equally frightening elder brother. But somehow, he did not quite mind.

Temari noticed Shikamaru's arm was bleeding through her handkerchief. Reaching back to her ninja pack, she rummaged around until she found some bandages.

"Roll up your sleeve," she instructed. Shikamaru looked up at her and blinked, then seemed to realize what Temari had said and did as she told him. Temari wrapped the bandages around his arm, relieved to see it was not a very deep cut. Shikamaru winced slightly.

"There," she said, finishing, "That should be alright for now. Later you should have a medic fix it for real." Shikamaru nodded absently. Silence reigned again.

Temari spoke again, "You don't have to go through with this, you know," she said matter-of-factly.

"I know," he nodded. Temari was irritated by his vague response.

"A man shouldn't let a woman be forced into marrying someone she doesn't want to."

Temari scoffed, "You're gonna bring that crap up again _now_."

"What do you want me to say, Temari?" Shikamaru kept his voice flat, but was inwardly smirking. She had not said she did not want to marry him.

"I don't know," Temari threw up her hands in exasperation, "You're the genius. Explain to me why I only attract the creeps."

"I resent that," Shikamaru replied.

"Stop teasing me," Temari pouted, crossing her arms.

"I'm not." Temari studied him carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I said," Shikamaru spoke deliberately. Silence again.

"Well, alright then," Temari half-huffed.

Shikamaru fiddled awkwardly with the bandage on his arm, "So, how late are the stores around here open?"

"Uh, it depends… nine-ish, I guess," Temari had no idea why he suddenly wanted to go shopping.

"Good. I can catch a nap first," Shikamaru yawned.

"You realize it's after eight?" Temari questioned.

"I figure I won't need more than fifteen minutes."

"If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you going to buy?" Temari was perplexed by the turn of the conversation.

"Your engagement ring," Shikamaru shrugged as if he was going to pick up a bottle of shampoo at the corner store.

Temari contemplated being angry, but decided against it, "I'll come too. And we can go right now." Shikamaru suddenly realized how many times he had rolled his eye in the past half-hour.

"But then it won't be a surprise."

"It's already not a surprise."

"But the ring won't be a surprise."

"You just told me you were going to go buy it!"

"But I didn't tell you what it's going to look like."

"Why do you care so much?"

"We should at least try to do things properly."

"A little late for that, isn't it," Temari commented wryly.

"Whatever," Shikamaru relented, starting for the door. Temari followed him, smiling satisfactorily.

Outside the Kazekage's office, Gaara, Kankuro, Baki, and Matsuri were trying to put on a good show of playing cards instead of wondering and/or trying to listen to what was going on in Gaara's office. The pretense fell apart as soon as the two they were so anxious about entered the outer area.

"Go fish!" Kankuro yelled as Baki put down a royal flush and Matsuri declared hearts to be trump. Gaara sighed and rearranged the cards in his hand.

Shikamaru and Temari gave them a weird look as they passed, "See you later," Temari waved.

"Hey! Where are you going," Kankuro wanted to know.

"Shopping," Shikamaru answered plainly.

"Wait what?" Kankuro was dumbfounded by Temari's smirk. Matsuri giggled.

_"Huh. So that's what they're calling it these days,"_ Baki contemplated suspiciously.

_"Mission accomplished,"_ Gaara thought almost evilly. The others swore he was grinning.


	2. Fortune Favors the Brave

Thanks for all the reviews/faves! I really was not expecting that many... or any at all. Luckily I had the internet to do "research" on the whole village/kage system (and name spellings). It is quite confusing!

I think this one is a lot weaker than the first, but I could not resist writing it anyway. I will probably have another up soon so I can forget about it.

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Fortune Favors the Brave

Temari yawned and stretched. She had gotten up much too early again, but such was the life of a ninja. She had stolen the latter half of her lunch break in hopes of getting a quick -nap, but it was no use. The sun was too bright and her head was too full.

So here she was, on top of the Kazekage's office, staring at the wispy, cloud-like shapes in the sky. She had found herself there a lot lately in between training and missions, trying to relax instead of agonizing over the day which had now arrived.

Today was the day the delegations sent by Temari's various suitors would be gathering and presenting themselves to the Kazekage, also known as her youngest brother. She wrinkled her nose. Temari had not complained in the presence of either of her brothers, but she was not exactly looking forward to it. She sighed. She could probably guess from whom many of the offers would come. They were not all bad guys, but she was fairly sure none of them were after her hand because they were in love with her.

Temari's one hope was she would be able to maintain her status as a ninja of the Sand and Ambassador to the Leaf. She knew the chances were slim, but Gaara would so everything in his power. Though even his hands were ties between pressure from the council and the village at large and the harsh reality that the village was still suffering from its time under their father. The Sand needed powerful allies.

"Hey sis," a voice broke Temari out of her thoughts, "It's time." Kankuro looked about as reluctant as Temari herself. She gave him a half-hearted smile and followed him back through the open window. They were silent as they made their way to the council room.

Matsuri was waiting nervously for them right outside the doors. She opened one for the siblings and trailed them inside. Temari kept her face expressionless as she face the council and took her seat to Gaara's left, with Baki on her right. Kankuro sat to Gaara's other side. The Kazekage gave one final glare of warning to all those present and silently nodded the okay for the first delegation to be sent in. Temari held her breath.

She need not have. The first group hailed from a clan in the Mist, one most of the council had found personally distasteful. They did not have much to offer the Sand anyway. The second offer came from much more lavish delegates. Gaara remained unreadable.

By the time the third delegation was finished, Temari felt her weariness return and found herself struggling to stay alert. With a few helpful nudges from Baki, she managed to stake awake through the drudgery of the fourth and fifth presentations, which were just as boring as the seventh, eighth, and ninth (Temari had not expected the sixth, and the man had sent an amusing attempt at poetry, with an impressive actor to read it).

At the end of the ninth, Temari thought they were finished. She was about to request to be dismissed so the council could discuss the matter, with the intention of returning to the roof, when her brother stopped her.

"Are you sure that's all?" Gaara inquired, sounding almost desperate. Matsuri motioned to a guard at the door, and he exited the room. Temari looked at her brother, trying to determine a cause for his tone. There had been plenty of more-than-decent proposals.

"There is one more, Lord Kazekage," the guard reappeared hesitantly. Temari groaned inwardly, hoping it would be short.

Instead of another train of lavishly dressed ambassadors, three genin wearing Leaf forehead protectors walked into the room. The council members murmured among themselves. Temari blinked. She remembered the genin from the academy. Now they would be entering the next chunin exams. And the one who looked like the leader (their sensei was nowhere in sight; Temari vaguely wondered what had happened to him) was the nephew of….

Said boy suddenly tripped on his overly long blue scarf, and would have fallen if his companions, a boy who seemed in perpetual need of a handkerchief and a girl whose hairstyle rivaled Temari's own, had not caught him. Temari winced unintentionally. The three genin quickly straightened themselves.

"Lord Kazekage," they bowed together, trying to look respectful. Temari gave them what she hoped was a reassuring smile, and they approached slowly, handing over a scroll for inspection. Temari had to admire their attempt. As for what kind a cheapskate would send three genin with a proposal to the Kazekage's sister….

Gaara took his time reading the paper, keeping Kankuro from looking over his shoulder and letting the anticipation thicken before he put the scroll down and commented, "Well, well, well," he paused, "it would seem we have of proposal from the Land of Fire," Temari rolled her eyes, which Gaara ignored, "It's from the Nara clan. One Nara Shikamaru."

Temari stared at her brother for a moment, blinked, realized he was serious, and, in a manner which would have made even Hinata Hyuga proud, promptly fainted.

"She did what?!?"

"That's right, boss, her whole chair toppled over, too," Konohamaru reported.

"Don't call me boss," Shikamaru muttered, looking a little pale. Behind him, Ino was in hysterics. Choji was gamely trying not to laugh, though he was finding it rather difficult.

"The Kazekage accepted the proposal on the spot," Shikamaru looked at the boy in disbelief, "though Kankuro started spouting death threats," Konohamaru finished, frowning distractedly.

"She was okay, right?" Shikamaru wanted to know.

"Of course," Moegi seemed almost insulted, "She woke up the next day right after Ebisu -sensei."

Shikamaru sighed and slapped himself in the face at the same time, "I can't believe you went in without him."

"Didn't have much of a choice, boss."

"What happened to him, anyway? Scratch that- I don't want to know," Shikamaru paused, "Uh… did Temari have anything to say?"

The genin looked at each other, "Well," Konohamaru began, "First she called you a dimwit for embarrassing her in front of the whole council. Then she said you ought to start consulting with your friends about the food and flowers for the ceremony." He shrugged.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. He turned to Ino and Choji to make a sarcastic remark, but stopped when he saw they were grinning at him in a manner he could only describe as frightening.

"One thing, guys," his five companions watched him quizzically, "Don't tell my mother."

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Uneccessary Showtunes Refrences (USR): 1.


	3. Empty Chairs, Empty Tables

So I was thinking of renaming this _Shikamaru Looks Like an Idiot,_ or _Torturing Shikamaru_, as it seems I am doing a pretty good job of accomplishing both. But anyway, thanks for all the reviews. I have a few (read: one and a half) more to type up, but I really hope to use your suggestions in the future.

I am not caught up with the manga, so this is in no way based on what I may or may not have happened recently. I also have no understanding of chakra, so I might have gotten that wrong, too.

Warning: Since I like to write comedy, I have, naturally, killed of several characters in order to form some kind of a vauge plot. My apologies to those characters. There is comedy (I hope) but just a fair notice.

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Empty Chairs At Empty Tables

Temari made her way through the last legs of the forest at a steady pace. She expected to be in view of the gate of the Leaf Village soon. She should have been excited, Temari thought, to be the first person from the Sand to know whom their ally's next leader would be, but all she could see in her head was the Leaf in ruins after (what was hopefully) the final battle with the Akatski. So many had died, despite the aid she and her brothers had brought from the Sand. Tsunade, Shizune, Kakashi, Naruto….

Gaara had been more then devastated by Naruto's death. The Leaf Council had post-humorously named Naruto the Sixth Hokage ("Can you even do that?" Kiba had wondered) which had been some comfort to those who had known of his lifelong dream. He had certainly acted like a true Hokage to the end. Temari smirked as the Leaf mountainside, now with six faces, came into view. So that had been finished.

"Priorities", Temari mumbled to herself, rolling her eyes.

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara had stayed for quite a while to help rebuild, but eventually being the Kazekage called Gaara away. When they had left, the Leaf had still been debating Hokage candidates. Kankuro's bet was on Neji. Gaara had smirked and refused to give an opinion, only telling Temari to send him a message as soon as she knew. Temari herself did not care to venture a guess. She would wait and see who she would be working with in the future. She hoped the Seventh would continue to let Shikamaru be her guide, unnecessary as it was.

It was growing late, and the setting sun was causing a glare. Temari squinted, making out a figure waiting at the gate. Strangely, the figure seemed to be dressed in all white… in kage robes.

"The Hokage is waiting for me?" Temari thought, trying to discern who it was. As she approached further, she began to sense flickers of chakra. It felt like an ambush. Temari scanned her surroundings again, but was sure they were coming from the village. It could not be ANBU protecting the Hokage. They would be better than that.

Temari shook off a feeling of uneasiness. They were her allies. In a world where nobody was on nobody's side, she trusted them.

Still, it bothered her. She was close enough to the gate now to see black hair sticking out of the front of the Hoakage's hat; the hat itself was quite crocked, she realized, laughing to herself. The council had certainly made an interesting choice.

Temari was very near now. The Hokage seemed to have his hands in his pockets- Temari had not realized those robes had pockets. He had poor posture, slouching over painfully. He was not looking at her, but up at the clouds, and- holy crap it was Shikamaru!

Temari stopped dead in her tracks and gaped at the newly discovered identity of the Seventh Hokage. Slowly, Shikamaru turned to look at her. Slower still, his lips turned to a smirk.

"Well," Temari shook her head, starting forward, "it looks like you'll either have to find a new hairstyle or ditch the hat, Lord Hokage." She emphasized the last two words, now smirking too.

Shikamaru removed the offending hat, running his hand over his high ponytail, "I was thinking of doing away with the whole ensemble," he shrugged, "Tsunade never wore it, why should I? It's so-"

"Troublesome?"

"Yeah."

"Congratulations."

"Yeah."

Temari knew it was not a position he wanted, so she veered away from the subject, "I guess this means I'll be getting a new guide," she teased. Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck.

"I was hoping you wouldn't need one," he murmured quietly.

You're right," it was Temari's turn to shrug, "I know the village quite well."

"That's not exactly what I meant," he sounded nervous.

"Eh?" Temari raised her eyebrows.

"I was hoping you wouldn't be the ambassador to the Leaf anymore."

"Trying to get rid of me?" she asked flatly. What was he getting at?

"Temari," Shikamaru ran his fingers through his hair again, "I didn't want this job," she nodded (well, duh), "but everyone else wanted me to have it."

"Yeah," Temari commented more over Shikamaru's shoulder than at him, and louder than was really necessary, "peer pressure is a funny thing." She had not forgotten about the strange chakra from earlier, but rather had started to think it was more familiar. She was forming an idea of who it belonged to.

Shikamaru looked at her strangely before continuing, "but upon assuming the post, I learned there were a few er… perks."

Temari grinned, thinking of Gaara, "Like what?"

"Well," Shikamaru shuffled his feet, "I can finally do this." Without further warning, he put a hand around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her full on the lips. She melted into his arms. She felt weak, and it was strange, but not unpleasant. It ended too soon for Temari's liking.

Shikamaru held her at arm's length, "Marry me," he said simply.

"What?" Temari asked in disbelief.

"Marry me."

"Oh," she stuttered. That was what he had been getting at before. She looked into his eyes. She could tell he knew the severity of what he was asking. For her to leave her friends (well, the few she had), her brothers, her home…. She remembered he had said he hoped she would no longer be the ambassador to the Leaf, perhaps she could take up that position for the Leaf. At any rate, Temari smiled because he understood.

"Yes," she breathed, "I'll marry you." She went to embrace him, but he moved to reach into one of his robe's secret pockets. Temari was only confused for a moment before she realized what he was retrieving,

Shikamaru pulled out a small black box and snapped it open. Inside was a beautiful silver ring, which Shikamaru wasted no time in putting on her finger. Temari gazed at it for a second before burying her face in Shikamaru's chest. She was far too happy to be embarrassed.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Shikamaru breathed a sigh of relief, "Well, all that's left now is the really scary part- telling everyone… mostly my mother." Temari looked up.

"I don't think that'll be necessary," she yawned. Shikamaru gave her a perplexing look and she stared back. Did he really not know?

"Second rooftop on the left," she told him in an amused tone. When he looked at her in disbelief she continued, "Ino and Choji are on the next one with their parents. Kiba, Shino, and Hinata are across from them, above Lee, Neji, and Ten Ten. Kotetsu and Izumo are hiding in their guard kiosk; Iruka, Anko, and Kurenai are with them, those three-"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture," Shikamaru interrupted, closing his eyes in concentration, "How did I not catch that?!?"

"Nervous much?" Temari teased.

"No," he replied a little too quickly before grumbling under his breath, "I can't believe she told."

"You asked Ino to help you with the ring, didn't you," Temari presumed and Shikamaru nodded uncomfortably, "and she told Sakura, who drafted Hinata, who brought Ten Ten along. See where I'm going with this?"

"Well I didn't think they were going to stalk me!"

"You should have known the girls- mostly the ones whose names begin with vowels- couldn't resist spreading the news."

"I'm insulted Temari!" Ino shouted from atop her building before jumping gracefully to the ground, "Sakura helped a lot!"

Sakura appeared from her hiding place behind an empty street cart, "So did Ten Ten!" she accused, pointing at said girl.

"So did Hinata," Ten Ten defended, joining her friends on the ground, "Okay, not really, but you can't really blame us, can you."

"I'll remember that," Temari smiled back.

Before anyone could get another word in, Lee descended on them and began a loud, though heartwarming, speech, only to be drowned out by Kiba and Akamaru. All three of them, however, stood no chance against Yoshino.

"My son is getting married!" she wailed, completely in tears, attaching herself to Temari, "I can't believe you said yes!"

Choji bowled through the crowd to offer his congratulations, and most of Shikamaru's friends followed. Even Shikaku eventually wandered up to them. Shikamaru looked bored through the whole ordeal, with occasional flashes of annoyance.

"Look at it this way," Temari whispered in his ear, "they saved you the trouble of having to make a formal announcement." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Temari sighed contentedly, Shikamaru falling asleep on his feet on one side of her and Yoshino insisting she call her mother on the other side, with everyone else talking excitedly around them. She had wonderful (if nosey) friends. She had a _mother_. She had a fiancé. She had- damnit she still had to tell her brothers.

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Uneccessary Showtunes Refrences: 2 (3)


	4. Won't Let Go

This one is nothing speical. I just had to write it anyway.... Oh, right. I once again apologize for randomly killing all those people last chapter (okay, especially Kakashi). As always, thanks for the reviews!

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I Won't Let Go

"I don't like this at all," Kankuro grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gaara's voice held a hint of annoyance, "Brother, you know if there was another way," he sighed, "We've already been through this."

"The Leaf will do all it can to see Temari is happy here," Tsunade assured them before taking a sip of whatever she had in the mug on her desk. Gaara nodded, grateful for the Hokage's sympathetic response to his brother's outburst. Kankuro crossed his arms and looked away.

"It's settled," Gaara continued, "It will be Shikamaru Nara."

"And you're sure your council will ratify the choice?" Tsunade asked skeptically.

"Quite. They'd be content if she married a bag of potatoes."

"She might as well," Kankuro muttered.

"Kankuro," Gaara warned lowly.

Tsunade smiled, "Temari is very… shall we say, blunt. I'm sure she will let us know if she finds anything here not to her liking."

"No she won't," Kankuro whined, sinking in his chair like a small child, "She'll suffer in silence, like she's done all her life with her 'orders are orders' crap." Gaara momentarily closed his eyes. Shizune coughed to break up the atmosphere.

"As for the ceremony, I was thinking next spring," Tsunade continued.

"Fine," Gaara agreed.

"They'll live here most of the time, but be free to make extended visits to the Sand."

"Acceptable."

"I will have to authority to assign missions to Temari, but you will retain that power over her and Shikamaru."

"Good."

"It will be difficult logistically, but we'll manage."

"If I may," Shizune interrupted, "perhaps we should involve Temari and Shikamaru in this, since they are, you know, the ones being forced to get married." She laughed nervously. Tsunade looked at Gaara, who nodded in agreement.

"Very well, bring them in, Shizune," the Hokage instructed. Shizune peeked out the door. Temari and Shikamaru were sitting smashed together in the crowded outer room. Apparently, they had been chatting amiably while those around them, a mass of various bodyguards and advisors, sat in awkward silence.

"Shikamaru, Temari, you're needed," Shizune called. The two in question calmly rose and came towards the office. Shikamaru stopped to let Temari through the door first. She rolled her eyes but said nothing, placing her hands behind her back and walking through the door.

Inside the Hokage's office, Temari and Shikamaru found both kages standing suspiciously close together. Gaara narrowed his eyes.

"Lady Hokage, Lord Kazekage," Shikamaru began unexpectedly in a very respectful tone, "there is a matter we must discuss with you."

Tsunade held up a hand, "It will have to wait." Shikamaru looked sullen but put his hands back in his pockets.

Tsunade took a deep breath, and in the most commanding voice she could muster, went on,

"Temari, Shikamaru, in the interest of securing a permanent alliance between your respective villages, you will be married in the spring."

There was utter and absolute silence. Temari looked at her brother, then her other brother. Then she shifted her gaze to the Hokage, and finally, to the man beside her.

"You knew," she accused.

"I did not," Shikamaru answered flatly.

"You did!"

"Did not."

"Did-"

"Temari, I can assure you Mr. Nara had no prior knowledge of this arrangement," Tsunade put in. Temari did not protest, but continued to eye Shikamaru suspiciously.

"What would make you think that?" Gaara asked quietly.

Temari full-out blushed, "Well," she twiddled her fingers, "we just sort of agreed… that is, Shikamaru and I just decided we want to get married."

"Really?" Tsuande questioned.

"Out there in front of all those people?" Shizune wanted to know.

"You mean he actually _asked_ you?" Kankuro squealed.

"Yes, actually we were sitting on the roof, and not really, it was more of a discussion, in that order," Temari explained, the last part in the direction of her offending brother. Shizune sighed. Only those two could turn something so romantic as a proposal into a _discussion_. Another momentary silence enveloped the room, but it did not last long.

"I'll kill you, potato boy!" Kankuro screeched suddenly, lunging at said target. He was stopped short, however, as Gaara had simply grabbed his hood.

Gaara was about to reprimand his brother (again) when Temari stepped forward, "Kankuro, will you give me away at the wedding?"

"Really?" he squeaked.

"Really," Temari affirmed solemnly. Kankuro looked over at Shikamaru once more before returning to his sister.

"Okay," he answered calmly, embracing her.

"Alright, Kankuro, I need to breathe," Temari choked out, never one for such displays of affection. Kankuro held her at arm's length for a moment before turning back to Shikamaru. Shikamaru watched him warily, unconsciously leaning backwards. Kankuro hesitated a moment before giving Shikamaru a hearty pat on the back.

To say Shikamaru was surprised would be an understatement, but even so the action's subtext did not escape him. Kankuro might as well had spoken the threat out loud, _"If you ever do anything to hurt her, I'll kill you."_

Tsunade coughed, "Well, now that we've got the mushy stuff out of the way, let's get back to what's important. Sit," she ordered. Everyone obeyed, somewhat begrudgingly.

"Can we try to keep the guest list to a minimum?" Temari inquired dryly.

"We'll uh… see what we can do," Tsunade chuckled.

And so it went: Tsunade taking charge of the operation, Gaara nodding or shaking his head for his part, Kankuro suggesting they hold the bachelor party in various dangerous, accident-prone locations, Shizune trying to be the voice of reason, Temari replying to questions in an increasingly annoyed tone, and Shikamaru attempting to fall asleep with his eyes open.

Even if Shikamaru had been paying attention, he would not have gotten an answer to the matter which bothered him for the rest of his life. While neither Temari's nor Gaara's nickname for him, 'crybaby' and 'hey you' respectively, was exactly normal, he never for the life of him understood why Kankuro called him 'potato boy' (or more formally 'potato-in-law') until the day he died.

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For the love of tri-corner hats, somebody tell me the potato joke was not funny so I can stop vainly laughing at my own brilliance.

USR: 1 (4)


	5. Reviewing the Situation

Notes: So I'm back. Yeah. I finally cuaght up with the manga (and by caught up I mean read most chapters since the Hidan arc-thing) so I hope I get most Naruto-verse stuff right, though still feel free to point out errors. To Curtis Zidane Ziraa, I fixed Shikaku's name (in the er... one place I used it) to match what was in the manga. Also, good job guessing one of the references in Chapter 3 (It was the title, to _Les Mis_). If anyone else wants to guess, feel free. That was the least obscure one so far, though one of the refrences in this chapter is pretty mainstream, or as mainstream as a musical can get.

Thanks for the reviews. They are much appreciated. If you think I have written this theme to death, please say so, as I still have more ideas and will just keep going.

My apoligies to Temari for her limited appearence in this chapter- this one's been in my head the longest and I wanted to make up for my previous abuse of Kankuro.

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Reviewing the Situation

Shikamaru yawned and slouched against the wall to the Leaf Village, "At least she arrives at a reasonable hour," he thought, looking up at the afternoon sun. He was supposed to meet the Sand Ambassador (always Temari) at the gate. He vaguely realized he was early and turned his attention to the clouds. He idly grasped an object in his pocket.

After a while, Shikamaru spared a glance down the road. A figure in black was visible, a figure with a black hood (with ears) and a backpack of scrolls. Shikamaru stood up reluctantly, cursing to himself.

"You're not Temari," Shikamaru commented when the figure reached him.

"No shit, genius," Kankuro replied angrily, knocking Shikamaru out of the way with his shoulder.

"Geez," Shikamaru grumbled, "Something wrong?"

"None of your business," Kankuro snapped.

Shikamaru dug his hands in his pockets again and decided to push his luck, "So where's your sister?" He tried his best to sound casual.

"None of your-" Kankuro began to repeat himself but seemed to remember he was supposed to be acting as a diplomat and stopped, "Temari was tied up in her duties at home, so the _Kazekage_ decided to send me instead." He still sounded bitter.

Shikamaru's face fell the slightest bit. He had thought Temari looked forward to her time in the Leaf a lot, even enough to make of point of coming. Perhaps he had been wrong. He clutched the box in his pocket.

Kankuro kicked a dirt clod, "Listen," he spoke quietly, confidentially, "You guys are friends, right," Shikamaru nodded hesitantly, "My siblings sent me here purposely in order to get rid of me." Shikamaru raised his eyebrows in half-hearted interest.

"They thought I was causing trouble," Kankuro threw an arm around Shikamaru's shoulder, "You see there's this guy, he's an ambassador too, from somewhere, I don't really care where, and he's been in the Sand for these economic negotiations," Shikamaru did not like where this was going, "and these negotiations have been going on forever, 'cept he's not really interested in diplomacy so far as I can see, he's just interested in Temari," Shikamaru nearly choked on air, "He's creepy, and not in a good way, like me, but in a bad, bad way" Kankuro shook his head, "Temari was acting totally into him, right, so I started bugging her about it, and she agreed with my assessment of his non-existent character, but said she's being nice to him for the sake of the negotiations," Kankuro, seemingly perturbed by Shikamaru's lack of comment, suddenly stopped in the middle of the street and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"You don't know what any of this means!" he yelled hysterically in Shikamaru's face, "My sister is whoring herself out for a trade treaty!" He was shaking Shikamaru rather violently.

"Kankuro," Shikamaru spouted in an attempt to get him to stop, "I'm sure things aren't as bad as they seem. She probably secretly appreciates your concern, but thinks you're interfering with her plan, which she has completely under control," Shikamaru rubbed his temples, trying to rid himself of the nausea and saw Kankuro seemed unconvinced, "And if he touches her, I'll help you beat some sense into him," he added for good measure.

To Shikamaru's surprise, Kankuro laughed, "Actually, that makes me feel better, thanks Nara," he thumped Shikamaru forcefully on the back.

"If you ask me, it's a dumb strategy, intimidation I always say…," Kankuro babbled, starting for the Hokage's office once more. Shikamaru followed, head bowed, hands in his pockets. He only wished his words had made him feel better.

---

Later, Kankuro and Shikamaru exited the Hokage's building, with the former mimicking Tsunade, " 'You're not Temari.'- Well I should hope not! Geez, it's like you guys have a monopoly on her or something."

"Uh-huh," Shikamaru knew this all too well. Kankuro was about to go on when they were mobbed by Ino, Sakura, Hinata, and Ten Ten.

"Hi, Shikamaru! Hi- you're not Temari!" Ino blurted. The quartet's happy faces immediately fell.

"And what am I, chopped liver?" Kankuro asked, annoyed.

"Sorry," Ino apologized, "It's just that we were looking forward to going shopping with her." The others nodded in agreement.

"Temari? Shopping?" Kankuro laughed.

"Sure," Sakura nodded, "We always go when she's here."

"Well, she couldn't come this time, she was held up with business at home," Kankuro told them in amazement.

"Oh, that's too bad," Sakura replied sincerely.

"Hey, you just want to come because she has a lot of money," Ino accused.

"Well, you just want her to come so you can try to give her a makeover again."

"At least I use my own money."

"There's this great sale on weapons down at our favorite place," Ten Ten covered nervously while Hinata quelled the argument by pointing out she was incredibly rich and offering to let Ino give her a makeover, "She'll be disappointed she missed it."

"Well, I'll be sure to tell Temari you were looking for her," Kankuro said awkwardly. With that, the girls were gone as quickly as they had appeared. Kankuro gave Shikamaru a weird look. Shikamaru shrugged before leading Kankuro to his hotel.

---

The next morning found Kankuro and Shikamaru playing shogi. Iruka had told them Anko and Genma, with whom they were supposed to meet, had been called away on a mission unexpectedly. Instead of trying to get a head start on other work both boys had silently agreed to put it off.

Kankuro was surprisingly good at the game. Shikamaru had thought Temari had been joking when she told him she got most of her shogi experience from matches against her brother. Apparently not.

"Well, at least I got some good games out of this," Shikamaru sighed to himself. Kankuro had quieted down some, though he was still giving the occasional grumble about "the stupid, slimy, son-of-a-bitch" laced with plenty of "ungrateful" and "Kazekage-my-ass".

The crunching of chips announced Choji's arrival, "Yo, Shikamaru," he greeted, "Oh! Hi Kankuro."

"Yo," Kankuro replied, seemingly placated by the most polite of reactions to his presence. Shikamaru only nodded.

"Iruka found the paperwork from Genma. Anko's is still who-knows-where, but he wants you to get started on what we have."

"Sounds like a drag," Shikamaru sighed, moving one of his game pieces at the same time, "Game over," he announced.

"Dammit," Kankuro spat. Some trip this was turning out to be.

---

By the time Kankuro and Shikamaru exited the academy, it was nearly dark again. They had gotten relatively little accomplished between Kankuro's constant muttering and occasional need to throw things at the wall added to Shikamaru's inherent laziness and the fact he seemed to be moping about something or other. They walked in silence, the trees rustling quietly in the wind.

Suddenly, a body swung down from one of the tree branches, "Hey!" Kiba shouted right to Kankuro's face, "Where's Temari?" Akamaru barked.

"What am I, chopped sushi?" Kankuro's voice cracked.

"Indeed," a calmer monotone affirmed. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Sorry man, no offense, me and Shino just thought she could help us out with something," Kiba was still invading Kankuro's personal space.

"My apologies, dog breath, she got tied up at home."

"Perhaps you would like to join us for training tomorrow afternoon," Shino broke in.

"Yeah!" Kiba nodded excitedly, "That would be great! We could probably get Lee and Neji to come too!"

"Okay, sounds good," Kankuro sounded a little happier, probably looking forward to being able to take out his frustration on an unfortunate sparring partner.

"'Kay, seeya at the grounds!" Kiba yelled, running off. Akamaru barked and followed on his heels. When Kankuro and Shikamaru turned around Shino had disappeared.

The two continued walking, "That reminds me," Shikamaru spoke flatly, "I'm supposed to see if you want to go out with the guys tomorrow night." Kankuro eyes him suspiciously.

"You usually take my sister out drinking?"

"No," Shikamaru denied, "She usually has a slumber party with Ino and them."

"A slumber party?!? But she's _old_" Kankuro's face screwed up into a scowl, "You Leaf people are turning Temari into such a _girl_."

---

Shikamaru had successfully evaded going to train with Kankuro and the others. He had not however, been able to successfully avoid his mother.

"The Sand ambassador is here again, when can we have her over for dinner?" Yoshino veered away from the subject of Shikamaru's dirty laundry.

"Temari couldn't come. They sent her brother instead," he told her.

"Oh, what a shame," Yoshino patted Shikamaru on the back in a sympathetic manner.

_"You have no idea_," Shikamaru thought.

"Maybe he would like to come for dinner," Yoshino brightened. Shikamaru frowned, imagining Kankuro growing more and more irritated at his mother's ramblings about Temari.

"No, I don't think he would."

---

Yoshino had extended an invitation anyway, as Shikamaru found out when he and Choji met everyone at the bar and grill that evening.

_"Oh, great, something else not to look forward to,"_ Shikamaru inwardly groaned as he swilled his drink at the bar. Rock Lee had made the mistake of asking Kankuro about Gaara, whereupon the letter began ranting to Lee, Kiba, and Shino about the issue at hand.

"It's completely ridiculous," Kankuro sputtered, "and totally uncalled for for them to send me away." Lee nodded understandingly. Kiba was preoccupied wolfing down a set of ribs rather messily. Shino said nothing. He seemed to be doing more looking at his drink than consuming it.

On the other side of Lee, Neji was vaguely listening to the one-sided conversation. He had already downed several drinks, but he seemed strangely unaffected by them. Choji was way ahead of Kiba in terms of rib-eating, downing another set in between replying to Naruto, who was really trying to have a conversation with Sai, who was mercilessly taunting Sasuke. Shikamaru groaned and took a gulp of his drink.

Choji seemed to notice his friend's moodiness as unusual, but upon Shikamaru's unresponsiveness, allowed his teammate to stew.

"It's like they don't tell me anything anymore. Temari could be dating some loser for real and I wouldn't even know! Gaara could be planning to invade this place again and I wouldn't find out 'til I was up to my elbows in blood!" Kankuro went on. Shikamaru winced, hoping no one had taken that the wrong way. A quick glance around told him no one had paid it any mind.

Shikamaru sighed. It was going to be a long night.

---

Shikamaru's nose was very close to touching the bar. He had not actually had that much alcohol, but he was tired, exasperated, and surrounded by idiots. Well, perhaps that was a bit harsh, but he was definitely sick of the noise. Kankuro's rant had turned into general complaining about how underappreciated he was and how nobody ever listened to him.

"I'm not askin' for a medal here," he hiccupped, "Just a simple 'thank you' once in a while 'ud be nice, ya know, maybe a vacation." Kiba and Naruto were quick to sympathize with him. Lee was trying to convince them they were in fact highly valued, nudging the steadily-drinking-but-still-totally-sober Neji for help.

That left Choji, Sai, Sasuke, and Shino to have a very disturbing conversation about the artistic value of decomposing food. Shikamaru was not sure which was worse. At least in the latter group no one was completely inebriated. The enormous amount of food Choji had eaten probably helped, and Shino was still having a staring contest with his beverage.

"But it still smells," Choji insisted, picking at the remains of his meal. Shikamaru could not fathom how he still had an appetite.

"I'll prove it when I become Hokage!" Naruto insisted somewhere to Shikamaru's left. He could sense Lee nodding.

"You're missing the point," Shino insisted off to the right.

"I believe it," Neji told Naruto mock-seriously.

"Actually, I agree with fatso," Sasuke sounded surprised at himself.

"I know, right. Hey!" Naruto responded.

"Who're you calling fat?!?" Choji exploded.

"Naruto, you may be a complete idiot, but I'm behind you one hundred percent," Kiba gestured in his friend's general direction.

"Sasuke, just because you are insecure about your masculinity doesn't mean you have to try to make others feel the same way," Sai scolded. Choji was momentarily stunned by the insult to Sasuke.

"Thanks, Kiba, I knew I could count on you!"

"I'm still going to get you!" Choji started again, making a lunge.

"I, too, will help you to reach your goal, my friend."

It was then the inedible portions of Choji's dinner went flying, followed shortly thereafter by most of the other things on the bar. Choji had jumped over Shino and Sai to get to Sasuke, though thankfully remaining his normal size. Sasuke deftly moved out of the way, accidentally-on-purpose tripping Sai in the process. Sai knocked over Shino, who hit Shikamaru, who in turn fell into Naruto, ending with all four of them on the floor.

"Hey, what was hat for?" Naruto whined as Choji tried to tackle Sasuke again. Naruto proceeded to jump into the budding fight.

"No, Naruto, we must not fight our friends," Lee tried to stop him, but ended up tripping over Shino. Kiba rushed to his teammate's defense.

Shikamaru noticed a hand and accepted Neji's help standing up, "This is going to be troublesome," the Hyuga told him.

Within five minutes the situation had deteriorated even further. Shino was trying to restrain Kiba while fending off Sai's sketched bugs with his real ones. Rock Lee had apparently consumed some alcohol in the scuffle, as he was currently spouting nonsense and making things difficult for Neji, who was attempting to keep him under control. Shikamaru was trying to keep an eye on his best friend and his charge, who was currently in the middle of the scuffle, trying to catch at least some of the combatants in his shadow.

"You have insulted my youthfulness, Lee accused in Sai's general direction, "And for that you will pay!"

"Get off me, Kiba!"

"Think about what you're doing, Lee."

"That'll teach you to call me fat!"

"Shino, let me go!"

"Wow, you really lack-"

"Give it a rest, Sai!"

"Let me at 'em, come on!"

Deciding it was a lost cause, Shikamaru gave up. This was not going to end well, as Neji had so accurately predicted.

"And this is for ramen!"

"And this is for barbecue!"

"And this is for… my sister!"

"What the hell, Kiba?"

"I couldn't think of anything else on the fly. Ha, ha, Shino, fly, get it?" Shikamaru was unable to see Shino's eyes, but he was fairly sure they were being rolled behind his ridiculous sunglasses.

Kiba suddenly let out a cry as Naruto landed on his stomach. Naruto executed a sloppy summersault to get off, bowling Lee and Neji over in the process. Lee sent a barstool towards Shikamaru, but Shikamaru was able to dodge. Sai laughed and Shikamaru barely missed being hit by the artist's stool.

A bark came from behind Shikamaru, and his eyes went wide. Apparently Akamaru had heard Kiba's yelp of distress and come to his aid. Shikamaru remained still as the giant dog leaped over his head. Time seemed to go in slow motion. Neji tried to roll out of the way, but seemed to be directionally confused and ended up pushing everyone on the floor towards the bar. Shino, Sai, and Shikamaru had been standing at that point. Shino tried to warn the others, but it was too late. One of Akamaru's paws shot out and the three of them were thrown backwards into three separate tables. A domino effect ensued in the crowded space.

Back on the floor, Akamaru had landed directly on top of Choji and Kankuro, who pushed him off of them and onto Naruto and Lee. The latter two pushed back, resulting in a sort of reverse tug-of-war. It did not last long, however, before Akamaru rolled out of the melee, successfully knocking over the tables which remained standing at that point.

When Shikamaru looked up from his position on the floor, he could see nothing but the red-faced bartender, a tall, surely man, looming over them, so angry he seemed almost lost for words. Almost. He stuttered for a moment before bellowing at the haphazard group of ninjas.

"Out!"

At the end of the bar, Sasuke sipped his drink.

---

The group, sans Sasuke, reassembled outside on the street, some of them worse off than others. Kiba and Naruto looked like they had walked through a minefield. Kankuro spouted a black eye, and Shikamaru was suddenly glad the guy wore all that makeup every day. Choji had a slight limp, but was otherwise alright. Neji and Sai sported a few bruises. Shino's condition was impossible to discern. Shikamaru felt a bit guilty his biggest injury was from hitting his head on the table.

Neji looked over at him, "What are we going to do with them?" Shikamaru shrugged. He was tempted to leave everyone there in the middle of the street.

"This place sucks," Kankuro announced without warning, breaking off as if he was expecting someone to inquire as to why. Silence ensued.

"I mean, I'm banished from my own home," he continued anyway, "I trek three freakin' days to get here and the stupid examiners go away, everyone's looking for my sister instead of me, and now," he paused for dramatic effect, "I've been kicked out of a bar. And to top it all off, I've been stuck with this slacker," he indicated Shikamaru, "moping around all day with his hands in his pockets," Shikamaru stiffened, "Talk about a downer. I mean, what's so interesting about his pockets anyway?"

Shikamaru eyed Kankuro warily. When had he gotten to be so observant? And Shikamaru did not like the look on his face. Kankuro looked at Kiba and Naruto, and Shikamaru was horrified to think they might have had an idea.

"Gee, Shikamaru, you wouldn't happen to be hiding something, would you?" Kiba asked. Shikamaru swore inside his head. There was no way they could have figured him out.

"No," Shikamaru mumbled petulantly. Before he even had time to contemplate using his shadow, the three of them jumped him. Choji quickly came to his friend's aid, but it was too late. Kankuro had somehow managed to reach Shikamaru's pocket and surfaced from the mass of bodies holding a small black box.

"Holy crap!" Naruto shouted, "He actually _was_ hiding something!"

"If you thought he had nothing, why did you attack him?" Sai asked.

Naruto shrugged, "It seemed like fun." Sai looked puzzled.

"Holy crap!" Kiba yelled, "That's an engagement ring!" Kankuro had opened the box and was staring wide-eyed at its contents.

"Indeed," Shino commented dryly.

"Holy crap!" Kankuro screeched louder than his companions, "She really was dating a loser behind my back!" Apparently, even in his mauled and drunken state, Kankuro could put two and two together.

Shikamaru shared a glance with Choji; he was definitely busted, "Well, I wouldn't say… dating, uh, exactly," he tried to explain sheepishly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kankuro roared, wavering a little.

"Just that, I thought… with the different villages and such… it was kind of all or nothing?" Everyone looked at him blankly.

"We spend so much time together, you know, when she's here… It just seemed to me…," Shikamaru had no idea where he was going with that thought, but it did not matter, as Kankuro chose that moment to pass out right in front of him.

"Well," Neji broke the silence, "It seems he has spent all of his youthful energy for today." Sai looked at him strangely.

"Neji," Shino stated rather than asked, "Do you really have nothing better to do than steal other people's catch phrases." Everyone stood in silence for a moment.

"Please forgive my friend, he gets a little-" Neji interrupted Lee's apology by grabbing him by the arm and dragging him away from the scene.

"And so ends another one of the awkward sequences which make up my life," Shino deadpanned as he walked away with Kiba. Sai poked at Naruto, and Shikamaru figured they would be fine. He looked over at Choji, and together the two of them lifted Kankuro's comatose form and dragged him off to the hotel.

---

After depositing Kankuro on the bed, Choji and Shikamaru had been too exhausted to go home, so Choji crashed on the couch while Shikamaru had taken the floor. Shikamaru was still a little disoriented when he woke, but when the memoires came back to him he just stayed on the floor, hoping in vain that he would become part of the carpet.

Both Choji and Kankuro were snoring. Loudly. Shikamaru wished he had earplugs so he could go back to sleep and forget about the whole mess. After a while of mulling around on the floor, contemplating how he had botched everything, he decided to go outside to get some fresh air, think of a new plan, look at the clouds, think of a backup plan, take a nap, maybe jump off a cliff, and then think of a backup for the backup plan (several times over).

It was not particularly early in the day anymore; Shikamaru deduced it was nearly noon. He wondered how long it would be until Kankuro woke up. He contemplated leaving, but decided the consequences would be worse when Kankuro found him later, and Shikamaru was sure Kankuro would find him later.

About an hour later Kankuro ambled out onto the balcony, looking like he had just poured a bucket of ice over his head.

"Hey, man, sorry about passing out and stuff… so, thanks," Kankuro mumbled awkwardly. Shikamaru breathed an inward sigh of relief. It could have been worse.

"No problem," he drawled in reply.

"Yeah… it would be great if you could, you know, not mention it to my siblings," Kankuro continued nervously.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Shikamaru assured him slowly.

"Huh?" Kankuro looked up, "Oh, right, that… other thing." Shikamaru coughed.

"Sorry I messed up your plans," Kankuro almost whispered.

"Really?" Shikamaru let slip before he knew what he was saying.

Kankuro chuckled a little, "Yeah, really. Temari was kinda upset about not being able to come… I think she really likes it here… I think she really likes _you_." Shikamaru blinked. There was no way in _hell_ he was having this conversation.

Kankuro was still laughing at his expense, "I hate to be sappy, but I do want Temari to be happy and all that crap. I can worry about threatening you later."

"Right," Shikamaru acknowledged cautiously.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Kankuro snapped his fingers and Shikamaru bit back a sarcastic response.

"Okay…."

"I'll send a letter to Gaara pretending I've been injured. Temari will be here in no time!"

"Yeah, to kick our asses for tricking her."

"No, no, she'll be in 'big sister' mode. She'll be way too glad I'm okay to be actually angry."

"If you say so," Shikamaru conceded hesitantly.

"Good. So here's the story. You and me were surrounded by a hundred enemy ninja…." Shikamaru wondered what he was getting himself into. He could imagine a thousand different endings, none of them good. But his other option was to wait until the next time Temari came to the Leaf, and he had no idea when that would be, especially because of her current situation.

"And then you jumped in front of me, saving me from a gristly and untimely death with one of those fancy shadow techniques or whatever," Kankuro finished. Shikamaru blinked at him.

Kankuro did not seem to notice, "That way, you'll already be on her good side, 'cause she'll think you saved me- which by the way would _never happen_- you'll get to do your 'thing' and she'll be away from that creepy guy! It's a win-win-_win_ situation." Kankuro was excited, and Shikamaru wondered if, but fervently hoped, he was in his right mind. Maybe Kankuro had not been the one who got drunk after all…. But Shikamaru felt a hand on his arm as Kankuro started dragging him towards the Hokage's tower to send that ridiculous letter.

---

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done," Shikamaru mumbled to no one in particular.

"Perhaps," Shikaku answered anyway, "but it's also the smartest." Shikamaru did not have the mental capacity to contemplate that paradox at the moment, but Choji, Ino, and even Kankuro seemed to find it slightly hilarious.

The door to the hospital room opened and Lee ran in, "Temari has just been spotted outside the gates. She should be here in five minutes," he announced, panting.

"Alright, everybody out," Kankuro directed a little too cheerfully for Shikamaru's liking.

"Good luck!" Ino shouted in a sing-songy voice.

"You've got this buddy," Choji nodded.

"You still owe me for keeping this a secret from your mother," Shikaku reminded him as he closed the door on his son, leaving Shikamaru alone. He looked around nervously. He had flowers, and plenty, thanks to Ino. They were more decoration than to actually give to Temari, perhaps trying to make up for the fact he was proposing in a hospital room. He did not particularly care where it was, but he suddenly wondered if she cared. Maybe he should try to get her to go somewhere else with him. No… the flowers were a giveaway something was up, and he would be lucky if he could get Temari to be calm enough to explain Kankuro was, in fact, uninjured.

He heard rushed footsteps in the hallway. Sakura had played her part. Shikamaru twitched and concentrated on breathing and praying Temari would not be too mad.

The door opened and Temari rushed in. She took one look at the empty bed and her eyes flared up.

"I should have known," she seethed, "this was just another one of his little tricks to pull be away from the negotiations. He just can't accept he lost, can he?" She stomped back and forth in the small room. Shikamaru did not know whether she had noticed him or not.

"Temari?" he tried hesitantly.

"He's not hurt, is he?" she demanded.

"No," Shikamaru admitted.

"There was no battle."

"There wasn't."

"And this was Kankuro's ploy to get me away from the Sand and that creepy guy I'm sure he's complained to you about nonstop?"

"That was one of his goals," Shikamaru nodded slowly, "and one of mine."

"I'm going to kill- wait. One of? Yours?" Temari narrowed her eyes, looking around for the first time, "If no one's been hurt, why are there flowers here."

Shikamaru shrugged, "For atmosphere, I guess." Temari gave him a look which clearly said 'what the hell'.

"You see, Temari, when you failed to show up last week, you threw a lot of people off. We've become used to your presence. Especially me. So much that I think I'd like it if you stayed… eh… permanently," he scratched his head. Shikamaru was watching Temari carefully, but still not sure if she was going to yell at him or faint.

Shikamaru allowed himself to smirk at the glimpse of vulnerability, "So, marry me?" He lazily pulled the safely recovered box from his pocket and flipped it open with ease. Temari took a step back and blinked.

"Yes," she grinned finally, shrugging as if she had not spent the last two minutes plotting the imminent demise of one of her closest relatives and becoming engaged to a man from another village, "I will," she reached out for him, dropping her voice. "but I'm still going to _kill_ Kankuro." Shikamaru laughed, but secretly thought about trying to talk her out of it.

He kind of liked the guy, after all.

* * *

So I guess Sasuke was back....

USR: 2 (6)


	6. It Couldn't Please Me More

Thanks for all the reviews!

I have no idea what Sunan (?) customs are. I just made them up. I wanted this to be longer, but... yeah I just could not get that to work out... so yeah.

* * *

It Couldn't Please Me More

Shikamaru grumbled to himself, wondering how his mother had roped him into going grocery shopping for her again. He did not even live with her anymore, for cripe's sake. Temari was chuckling at his expense. She seemed to think it was 'cute' his family had holiday traditions. He nearly asked if her family had any, but a sudden image of Gaara and Kankuro trying to light a barbecue stopped him. At least Temari was helping him carry the stupid groceries.

It was a balancing act just to keep all the bags from spilling. The pineapple sticking half-way out of the top bag was giving him a particularly hard time. He was a ninja for crying out loud! Why were simple errands so damn troublesome?

"Your mother must be planning on making a lot of food," Temari commented carelessly.

"I think about three times the usual amount," Shikamaru groaned, "She's much too excited the Kazekage promised to eat with us for the festival if you ask me."

"Well, no one's ever fusses over Gaara so much, they're more scared of him, so he finds your mother's behavior quite different. I think he likes it," Temari shrugged.

"I can't imagine _why_," Shikamaru complained.

"You should at least _try_ to enjoy yourself," Temari laughed, "I think this festival of yours is an interesting idea."

"Don't you guys have your own festival to go to?"  
"Gaara said something about inter-village relations, but I think it was just an excuse to come visit Naruto. It's not exactly at the same time anyway," Temari explained.

"Right, I should probably tell my mom to expect the annoyance as company too," Shikamaru gripped.

"The more the merrier… or something," Temari tried to console him.

"Temari! Shikamaru! Wait up," a voice called behind them.

"_Of course_," Shikamaru thought. They had just passed the Yamanaka flower shop. Ino came running up to them, followed by a more relaxed Choji.

"Getting ready for tomorrow?" Ino asked excitedly.

"Unfortunately," Shikamaru replied unenthusiastically.

"Oh, come on, Shikamaru, don't be such a downer. It's going to be fun!"

"Is your mom going to make rhubarb pie again?" Choji wanted to know, ruffling through the bags Shikamaru was struggling to keep a hold of.

"How should I know?" Shikamaru whined.

"She is," Temari informed them, "She told me yesterday." Shikamaru looked annoyed and Ino giggled.

"Well, you can count on my family to be there!" Choji smiled.

"Of course," Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"What are you going to wear, Temari?" Ino changed the subject again, "You _do_ have something to wear, right?" she added suspiciously.

Temari smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, I have something. It's pretty traditional. Gaara wants to represent our culture or something."

"Ooo, that sounds promising," Ino squealed, "What color?"

"It's sort of a light green," Temari replied detachedly.

"That should bring out your eyes," Ino nodded approvingly. Temari grinned despite herself.

"What will?" a new voice joined the conversation. Ten Ten had appeared from around the corner with Neji.

"Temari's outfit for the festival," Ino informed her.

Shikamaru sighed and started putting down the grocery bags. They were going to be there for absolutely forever.

"Shikamaru," Neji addressed him, "my uncle asked me to inform you we'll be coming for lunch tomorrow."

"All of you?" Shikamaru asked warily. Just how many people had his mother invited?

"All of us," Neji affirmed solemnly.

"Well… great," Shikamaru managed.

Neji smirked, "I hope the weather's nice because we'll never all fit in the house." Shikamaru rolled his eyes, accidentally nudging one of the bags, causing the pineapple to fall to the ground. He picked it up and placed it resolutely back in its spot, glaring at it as if that might dissuade it from moving again.

"At least it's a potluck," Neji continued, "though I can see you have your hands full anyway." Shikamaru turned his glare to Neji.

"Chip, anyone?" Choji inquired to break the tension. Neji shook his head, but Shikamaru helped himself to a large handful.

A loud bark alerted Shikamaru to the fact they were about to have more company.

"Akamaru!" Kiba commanded, "Stay away from the food." The large dog stopped short, looking longingly at Shikamaru's groceries.

"Sorry man," Kiba apologized, "He's all revved up about all the great east there are going to be tomorrow at the festival," Choji gave him a high five, "I hope this is a preview."

"Don't tell me you're invited ,too," Shikamaru groaned.

"You bet," Kiba grinned. Shikamaru almost failed to notice Shino and Hinata join the crowd because both were so quiet.

"Well, you should see what Hinata's going to wear," Tent Ten told Ino and Temari in an unnecessarily loud voice, winking at the younger girl. Hinata blushed and mumbled something Shikamaru could not understand. Were they _still_ talking about clothes?

"I'm afraid I have something to add you probably won't like," Shino informed Shikamaru in a volume barely above a whisper.

"Let me guess, it's an RSVP," Shikamaru replied sarcastically.

"How did you ever guess?" Shino's voice was toneless, "Also, we're bringing an assorted cheese tray."

"Fine. I'll remember that," Shikamaru found this a bit suspect considering the sheer number of bugs Aburames kept around.

"Oh yeah, and we're gonna bring," Kiba paused, "MEAT!"

"Uh…," Shikamaru looked at the bags and then at Kiba, "All of it?"

"Psh, I don't' know, just some of our super-secret family barbecue."

"Okay, whatever," Shikamaru sighed.

"That reminds me," Ten Ten broke into the conversation, "I'm bringing pasta salad."

"Right," Shikamaru acknowledged.

"and jell-o mold," Ten Ten continues as if she had not heard him.

"Great," he responded automatically.

"Shikamaru, you're never going to remember all that, you should write it down," Ino scolded.

"I've got it," Shikamaru insisted.

"Write. It. Down," Ino commanded dangerously.

"Fine," Shikamaru whined, "Anyone have a piece of paper and a pen." Everyone looked at him blankly. He sighed and began fishing around his pockets for something to write with.. His fidgeting caused the aforementioned offending pineapple to once again fall from its place and roll to the ground. Shikamaru picked it up again, by this time extremely annoyed, and shoved it unceremoniously into the hands of the nearest person, who, as it so happened, was Temari.

"Hold this," he ordered, not even looking up at her and thus missing the completely shocked expression on her face.

"Uh… I…right," she stuttered, but Shikamaru was not really listening either.

"Idiot!" Shikamaru felt something hit him on the back of the head, "That's not how you do it!" it was Ino again.

"Not how I do what?"

"_That_," Ino gestured generally between Shikamaru and Temari.

"Ino, I'm just looking for a pen, like you told me," Shikamaru mumbled, irritated, still rummaging through his ockets. He was suddenly aware of a new group of people coming down the street. At their lead was Sakura, who seemed excited about something or other. Behind her lagged Naruto, Lee, Kankuro and Gaara. The expressions on the faces of the latter two were, in all actuality, absolutely priceless. Kankuro's face betrayed a mix of anger and sheer horror while Gaara looked downright flabbergasted, which was quite something considering who he was.

Sakura ran back and ushered the boys forward since they seemed to be dumbstruck, or rather, Naruto and Lee were trying to figure out what was wrong with Gaara and Kankuro.

"Ino, I, uh, don't think it's what you think it is," Temari frowned, looking strangely at Ino.

"Of course it is! Shikamaru's a genius. He wouldn't do something like that so stupidly," Ino defended.

"Something like what? All I did was hand her a piece of fruit," Shikamaru gave up on the list.

"Not just any piece of fruit," Ino seemed slightly angered now, "A _pineapple_. And she's from _Suna_."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Shikamaru wanted to know.

"Everything!" Ino and Ten Ten screamed at him. He rolled his eyes and inwardly groaned- now another one of the girls was in on it.

"So, what's the answer?" Sakura ran up to them, slightly out of breath from herding the boys to the larger group.

"The answer to what? What's going on?" Naruto questioned obliviously.

"I wish I knew," Shikamaru eyed Gaara and Kankuro, who seemed to be approaching him menacingly. Kiba snickered. Temari looked for someone to pass off the pineapple to, but seemingly thought better of it and placed it quickly back in the bag.

"Don't jump to any conclusions," Temari intercepted her brothers, "He doesn't know much of Suna's customs."

" But _you're_ from Suna," Sakura argued forcefully.

"Yeah…," Temari trailed off.

"Surely he must have learned something about your home when he was your guide," Ten Ten insisted somewhat more practically. Shikamaru rolled his eyes again.

"I might have forgotten to mention that one," Temari mumbled, exasperated. Kankuro's face relaxed a bit, though it still retained traces of the utter terror it had previously displayed. Gaara was now looking thoughtfully at Shikamaru, as though he had never seen him before.

"But that's the most important tradition of all-_ever_!" Ino cried.

"Not really…," Temari murmured.

"But it's so romantic," Sakura sighed.

"Romantic?!?" Shikamaru explained, slightly alarmed. His facial expression suddenly mirrored Kankuro's.

"Why do you all know about it, anyway?" Temari mumbled distractedly.

Sakura chuckled nervously, " I may have forced it out of some citizens when I was in Suna." Temari raised an eyebrow at this

"Oh, hey, I remember that-" Naruto began.

"It was a very calm and peaceful exchange of words which did not cause anyone to have to go to the hospital to get eight stitches in their tongue!" Sakura interrupted.

"That explains everything!" Kankuro considered this statement.

"…really?" Ten Ten asked skeptically.

"No. It only explains that those brats were telling the truth. I thought the little terrors were making it up to avoid their D-rank mission," Kankuro shrugged.

"Well, anyway," Ino interrupted importantly, "Sakura shared the story with us because she knew we would find it so romantic, right girls?" she sighed dreamily. Hinata nodded shyly.

"Romantic? As if!" Ten Ten sputtered.

"Oh, admit it, girl, you're just as much of a romantic as the next girl. I mean, just look at your outfit, it's totally pink," Ino argued.

"What does that have to do with any- wait! Pink?" Ten Ten shouted, "You need to get your eyes checked. It's clearly maroon."

"Girl, that is magenta if I've ever seen it."

Shikamaru sighed. They were talking about clothes again and Gaara's staring was starting to get really unnerving. He turned to Temari. She had stayed rather quiet.

"Are they implying what I think they're implying?" he asked dryly.

Temari seemed about as happy as he was to be discussing the subject, "As long as you're thinking they're implying the erm... presentation of a pineapple during a festival is a traditional marriage proposal in Suna, then yes. Yes they are."

"Hn," Shikamaru affirmed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Temari rolled her eyes and turned her attention away from him.

"Remember that time I said I was going to kill you?" Gaara did not use his name, but Shikamaru knew he was being addressed. Everyone else went quiet, Ino and Ten Ten stopping cold mid-fight, staring at the two of them intently. A few seconds ticked by slowly before Shikamaru answered.

"Yeah….," he replied cautiously.

"I'm sorry," Gaara told him plainly. Without another word, the Kazekage walked around Shikamaru and continued down the road. Kankuro's mouth dropped open. He stood, stock still, unable to move. A slight breeze struck up, almost daring a tumbleweed to roll by. Finally, Kankuro dumbly followed after his brother.

"Hey! Wait!" Naruto called, running after them, "Don't I get an apology?"

"Naruto, don't be stupid," Sakura scolded, also going after the group. Rock Lee trailed after Sakura, curious as to Gaara's words.

"Well, that was… kinda random," Kiba broke the silence that followed. Shikamaru was still just standing there, slightly dumbfounded himself. Temari appeared to be deep in thought, frowning.

"Maybe not," Ino commented slyly, giving a look to Hinata and Ten Ten.

"Whatever," Kiba retorted, "We've got to get going, guys. See you tomorrow!" Shino simply walked after him. Hinata whispered a quiet goodbye followed after Kiba and Akamaru as well.

"See you!" Ino called after Hinata, "It's going to be so much fun," she continued excitedly.

"Ino, don't overdo it," Ten Ten warned, still a bit put off from their previous argument over colors.

"And you, don't be such a spoilsport," Ino shook her finger at Ten Ten, "It'll be great, right?" She looked at everyone else for support.

"Right," Choji crunched a chip enthusiastically.

"Right…," Temari grumbled half-heartedly. Shikamaru and Neji said nothing.

Ino sighed, "Well, if you guys want to be such sticks-in-the-mud, fine. You don't know what you're missing," Ino huffed.

"I know what I'm missing: the rest of this conversation," Ten Ten announced. With that, she stomped off. Neji hesitated for a moment before wandering after her.

"Here," Temari said all of a sudden, shoving a piece of paper at Shikamaru.

"What's that?" Ino questioned eagerly as Shikamaru perused the document.

"A list of the food everyone said they were bringing so he can give it to his mother," Temari replied plainly.

Ino looked livid, "A list of _what_!?! _That's_ what you were doing this whole time. Ugh! You two are just…," she fumbled for the right word, "impossible! I give _up_" She threw her hands in the air and turned on her heel, heading back to the flower shop.

Choji shrugged, "See you later," he said jovially before walking away in the direction opposite of Ino's departure. Shikamaru swore he heard him mutter "good luck" under his breath.

The street was now eerily quiet. Shikamaru and Temari were left standing awkwardly in the middle of it, surrounded by a lopsided assortment of grocery bags.

Then, as if to add insult to injury, the accursed pineapple fell out of its bag again, flopping to the ground depressingly, as if to mock them. Shikamaru stared at it for a moment before bending down to pick it up.

He looked at the list in his right hand and the pineapple in his left. He pretended to read the list again, watching Temari out of the corner of his eye She was just standing there, arms at her sides. The corner of his mouth twitched. He had never been one for spontaneity, but….

Still looking pointedly to his right (anywhere but _at_ her) and with his normal disinterested expression, Shikamaru took the pineapple in his other hand and slowly, purposefully held it out to Temari once more.

* * *

No, seriously, that's the end. I cannot believe I used a pineapple as a major plot point. I think I need to stop watching _Psych_ reruns.

Curtis Zidane Ziraa got another one of my random refreces. The last chapter title was from _Oliver!_ And "Fortune Favors the Brave" was one too. It's easy to put them in titles... heh heh.

Note, which may or may not be interesting: I was doing some background research on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., USA, for a paper and I got distracted reading about the cherry trees. To make a long story short, one of the types of cherry tree is a Yoshino, named after the city from which they originated in the Nara prefecture in Japan. So there is actually a city called Yoshino, Nara. I am probably the last to know, but it was definately the last thing I expected to find out when I started.

USR: 1(7)


	7. Five, Six, Seven, Eight

The reviews have been much appreciated!

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Five, Six, Seven, Eight

The first time Shikaku had ever known Shikamaru to be awake before him, he did not know what to think. Sure _he_ was pretty lazy, but his son was much lazier still. After mulling it around in his head for a little while, and maybe four or five cups of coffee, it dawned on him. Shikaku just snickered to himself and went about his daily routine. It was about time the squirt (okay, so he was not so little anymore) found _some_ kind of motivation. And was that not the best kind there was?

The second time Matsuri was assigned to meet Temari returning to Suna's gates from the Leaf Village, the older girl had a smile on her face which quite frankly freaked Matsuri out. The smile was just so… genuinely _happy_. Temari never smiled like that (Matsuri did, but never Temari). Temari laughed because she thought something was funny, smirked because Kankuro was about to do something stupid, grinned because she knew something you did not. This whole 'happy' thing was weird when it was Temari. Really weird. Matsuri made a mental note to talk to Gaara about it as soon as possible.

The third time Ino helped Shikamaru pick out a bouquet of flowers (at his own request, no less), she stopped believing they were for his mother. It was not that she had ever really believed that excuse to begin with (who would?), she had just finally figured out who the flowers _were_ for. (It was _so_ obvious, Ino told herself, she should have seen it before?) She had a hard time keeping a straight face as she subtly pushed Shikamaru towards the girl's favorite varieties (because of course _she_ knew what they were) and then had a fit a giggles after he left. Some genius, indeed.

The fourth time Baki let Temari make tea for him was also the last. (The first time she had been eleven and spilled scalding hot water all over him. The second time Kankuro had tried out a new poison on both of them and he tried his best not to remember the next forty-eight hours. The third he had completely blocked out of his memory.) But this time was the worst. The tea… it was… it tasted… _different_. Baki was not a man who liked change. When he inquired as to what exactly she had put in the tea, Temari replied "Oh, just a few touches I learned from Yoshino," and then gone back to humming some obnoxious tune. Okay, who the hell was Yoshino?

The fifth time Yoshino was angry enough at her son and his sloth-like habits to leave his laundry lying haphazardly around his room for two whole weeks, she half-expected the clothing to decompose. When Shikamaru finally got around to bringing the rather large pile to the laundry room, Yoshino pinched her nose closed and prepared for the worst (because his laundry smelled atrocious normally). When she could no longer hold her breath, she was surprised to be met not which an abomination of the senses, but with the smell of perfume… a slightly familiar perfume. Yoshino suddenly felt faint, and not for the reason she expected.

The sixth time Kankuro caught his sister watching Suna's wimpy excuse for clouds, he was forced to admit the first five times were not flukes. He sulked away muttering about how he hoped she would get sunburned, but really he knew she was too smart for that, and, deep down, he knew he was only masking his own bitterness (he did not want her to leave him-them, he reminded himself, because he meant Gaara too). Gaara always told him to let her be (after all, if he never went looking for her in the first place, he would never have known the difference) but Kankuro never was one to listen to him siblings. He took out all his frustration with an extra bought of training, hoping Temari would not notice, though she never failed to notice things he would rather be kept secret. Had his stealth skills gotten rusty or was his sister just that good? Damn Leaf ninja.

The seventh time Choji accompanied his best friend to the same jewelry store, he was fully prepared with non-crunchy snack foods, so as to avoid the nasty looks from the jewelers who had come to the conclusion the two of them were never actually going to buy anything. In reality, Choji was not completely sure they were wrong. He was fairly certain _he_ had committed the entire jewelry collection to memory (and figured out the best choices should he ever need to buy something like that), which meant Shikamaru had memorized the whole thing five trips ago. But Choji just shrugged to himself, braced for the worst, and trailed the man for which he was supposed to be the "moral support", as Ino put it. He was immensely surprised when the entire trip took less than ten minutes.

The eighth time Gaara asked Temari, half-sarcastically, if she had found someone willing to marry her yet (because the council was on his back about that _again_ and it was becoming intolerable to the point where he was convinced he was hearing some ghost of the demon telling him to just go ahead and kill them all), his sister simply gave him one of those smiles Matsuri was always so worried about and stuck out her hand.

* * *

I really wanted that to be longer, but it did not really work with the paragraph-format-thing.

I am toying with the idea of writing a sort of strange actual chapter fic and I set up a poll on my profile, so, if you care, check it out and let me know if you think I have completley lost my mind.

USR: 0.... really. (Yay for Curtis Zidane Ziraa for guessing the last one again.)


	8. Life on a Clear Day

Just when I thought I was finally done with this thing, more ideas attack me....

All reviews have been much appreciated!

* * *

Life on a Clear Day

Temari took a deep breath. She could not afford to mess this up. Shikamaru was lying in the grass, staring up at the sky with his usual demeanor, one foot up on the opposite knee. Wait- was he chewing a piece of grass? Temari shook her head. That was not important. She was almost there. She had to focus.

Keeping up a slight jog, Temari approached Shikamaru's bit of earth, looking twice over her shoulder before reaching him. She then plopped down next to him with an audible thud.

"Lost him," she whispered to herself as if she were out of breath.

"Huh?" Shikamaru barely glanced at her.

"Nothing," Temari attempted to sound convincing. Shikamaru reclosed his eyes and they sat in silence. The breeze blew, the sun shone down, and the clouds passed slowly through the sky.

"How was the meeting?" Shikamaru asked, because for once the silence was weird.

"Fine," Temari answered briefly.

"What's bothering you?" Shikamaru gave in, sounding annoyed.

"Nothing," Temari huffed. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. He twiddled his foot around in the air and spared a glance to his left. Temari had her eyes closed now. So she was going to play that game. What a way to ruin a nap.

Shikamaru turned back to the clouds and let Temari be. She had been acting rather weird lately, and for no apparent reason. He had even asked Kankuro about it, but to no avail.

Temari was breathing rather loudly, in Shikamaru's opinion, causing him to look over at her every few seconds to check on her.

"How 'bout you tell me now?" he tried. Temari frowned and did not reply. Shikamaru matched the frown. It was that bad, huh?

Shikamaru had not felt like doing a whole lot of thinking a moment ago, but now this singular problem had presented itself. This oh so intriguing, ever so tantalizing, extremely alluring, undeniably captivating-

Shikamaru's eyes widened suddenly. No. No. _No_. It was none of those things. It was just troublesome. It was just trouble and quite a bit of it. Shikamaru grumbled and squirmed in the grass. If Temari noticed, she did not comment.

A group of Sand ninja came into view in Shikamaru's peripheral vision. Three men and a woman were walking together, laughing and joking about one thing or another. Shikamaru looked their way, annoyed at them for disturbing the peace, when he saw Temari with the same wide-eyed expression he himself had displayed only a moment ago. She was staring unmoving at the sky, as if willing herself not to move or react in any way. Well, that or she was trying to blend in with the grass.

"Is it one of them?" Shikamaru inquired softly, though he knew she heard him. Temari looked away. Ah, so that was it. Shikamaru tapped his grounded foot, rather pleased with himself. Now, on to the next step.

"Not doing his work? Lazier than me?"

"Not possible," Temari muttered.

"What?"

"It's not possible for anyone to be lazier than you?"

"Ah, well…," he could not really argue with that.

"Insulted someone? Gaara? Kankuro?"

"No," now he was getting somewhere. She was talking to him. He had some clues. Living for so many years with aforementioned brothers, there were only a few things which could really get on Temari's nerves, and he had just suggested two of them.

"So he likes you, huh?" Temari just looked at him. Damn, he was right. All the symptoms added up. 'He' must have been stalking her earlier or something. Well, at least she did not seem to be too happy about the whole thing.

"Does he have a name?" Shikamaru tried to sound uninterested.

Temari hesitated, "Yamamoto. Hibiki Yamamoto."

"I don't remember meeting him."

"You probably haven't. He's from a very… _influential_ family. He gets away with doing whatever he wants whenever he wants to."

"In other words he doesn't do much.  
"Hn."

The Sand ninja were sitting down now, at a table outside a café. Shikamaru could not quite make them out clearly, but they were definitely among the group Kankuro and Temari had brought with them.

"Told him to buzz off?"

"He's too dense to get the message," Temari scoffed, and Shikamaru began to wonder how bad the situation really was.

"Can't you get him reassigned?"  
Temari sighed, "I know Gaara would do that for me, but I don't want to put him in that position. He needs that family's support. I don't know who decided I'd be a good diplomat. I suck at it."

"Wait, what?" Shikamaru had totally lost her train of thought.

"If I was any good with words I wouldn't be in this situation."

"I'm sure he'll get the signals eventually," Shikamaru still did not quite understand what Temari was thinking.

"That's the problem. I don't think he will," Temari mussed distractedly. Shikamaru turned to face her. She gave him an exasperated look and went on.

"Oh, Yamamoto. Well, I saw him going into a jewelry store this morning and Kenji said he overheard him saying, well…," Temari could not bring herself to say it.

"What'll you do?" Shikamaru asked reluctantly.

"If he asks?" Temari paused, "I don't know. I don't want to say yes, but refusing could be political homicide, so to speak, for my brother."

Shikamaru frowned, "There has to be a way out."

"Of course there is. Just, no easy way."

"You wouldn't run away," he knew the answer.

"No, I wouldn't."

"Is there some kind of religious order you could join…?" Shikamaru did not even like the sound of his own idea.

"That would be rather obvious."

Shikamaru frowned, "You've thought of something else?" he solicited cautiously.

"Yes," Temari relented. Shikamaru let her take a slow breath before continuing.

"I could marry someone else first," Temari bit her lip nervously.

Shikamaru's mouth dropped open. Several things ran though his head in quick succession. First of all, he chided himself, that was such an obvious solution, he should have thought of it first. Though, of course, if he had suggested it, Temari would have called it a terrible idea and called _him_ a terrible sexist something-or-other.

The second was an impulse to volunteer right away, but he was unsure whether or not it was an invitation. Besides, he told himself, it was only his chivalrous initiative anyway. Right, that was it. Some (very) brave and self-sacrificing man would have to step up to help Temari. Why not him?

Because, unfortunately, he was a self-proclaimed coward.

Shikamaru turned his head nonchalantly, "Any possible candidates?"

Temari turned to face him so they were almost nose to nose, "Why? Thought of someone?"

"Maybe," Shikamaru was suspicious of her innocent tone.

"Well, he'd better man up and ask quickly before you-know-who beats him to it," Temari's tone was still light. Shikamaru blinked at her. Damn the woman.

"I'll marry you."

Temari looked at him again, and this time he could not read her.

"You mean it." It was quiet. It was not a question.

"Yeah," Shikamaru answered anyway.

"How gallant of you," Temari grinned at him. There was an extended beat, but this time Shikamaru felt much more comfortable in the silence.

"So it was that simple, huh?" Temari commented after a moment of thought. She looked almost surprised.

"Yep, that simple," Shikamaru yawned.

"Hm," Temari reflected as she sat up and reached into her pocket. She pulled out a simple ring and affixed it to the ring finger of her left hand.

She saw Shikamaru's quizzical look and explained sheepishly, "I kinda carry it around with me sometimes."

That had actually not been what Shikamaru was thinking at all, "Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Duh," Temari scoffed.

"No, I mean, why didn't you let me do it?"

"Gee, Shikamaru, that might be strenuous. Are you sure you want to put forth the effort," Temari teased.

"Give it here," Shikamaru ordered abruptly as he sat up.

"If you insist," Temari did not seem to have any qualms with the demand, "I wasn't going to make you."

Shikamaru grumbled something about troublesome women under his breath as he shoved the ring on Temari's finger. She seemed nonplused by his attitude.

"Thanks, Shikamaru," she whispered sincerely.

"Anytime," Shikamaru replied. Temari giggled. Shikamaru almost chocked on his own saliva.

"Well, I'd _love_ to stay, but I have another meeting to attend," Temari sounded like a three-year-old with a new box of crayons. Shikamaru bet it was a meeting with Ino. Ino would describe her own mostly-made up version of the proposal to absolutely everyone in excruciating detail. What's-his-name would most certainly get the news and Temari would not have to deliver it herself.

Shikamaru joined Temari as she stood up. He was thinking of finding a good hiding place until the gossip storm blew over. Maybe Choji would hide him.

As they reached the street, Kankuro happened to be walking by, looking, for once, as if he was minding his own business. Temari did not hesitate in calling him over.

"Temari!" Kankuro greeted jovially, "I haven't seen to you this happy since you figured out how to work the oven!"

Temari slapped Kankuro on the back of the head and waved her hand in front of his face.

"Ooh, shiny," her brother mocked. Temari smacked him again.

"Okay, okay, geez. Didn't think you had it in you, Nara," Kankuro kept his grin intact. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and looked the other way.

"But I see you were too cheap to buy your own ring," Kankuro finished.

"Shut up, Kankuro!" Temari commanded a bit louder than was necessary. Kankuro rubbed the back of his head none too subtly.

"Well, I'm off," Temari announced, regaining her happy turn of voice. She then proceeded to _skip_ away in the direction of Ino's flower shop, all the while looking tremendously pleased with herself. Shikamaru could do nothing but stare after her, open-mouthed.

"I can't believe you _proposed_," Kankuro was still laughing at him. Shikamaru was only half-aware of the dialogue. Something was defiantly not right in all this.

"Yeah, well, she was worried about one of the guys in your squad using his political power to force her to marry him or whatever," he replied distractedly.

"What!" Kankuro exclaimed, "I spent weeks of my life I will _never get back_ going over piles and piles of reports and paperwork to choose this team. I know more about each of _them_ than I ever wanted to know about _myself_. They're all top-notch straight-laced guys, not a mark on their collective record," Kankuro paused for thought before drawing himself up to his full height, "No matter. He will die a horrible death. I'll do it myself," Kankuro nodded in approval of his own plan of action, then paused, "No, wait, maybe we should get Gaara to do it. Do you think that'd be more painful?"

Shikamaru blinked. We?

"Hey, uh, which guy did she say it was anyway?"

"Uh, Yamamoto," Shikamaru told him, "Hibiki Yamamoto."

"Yamamoto?" Kankuro's face screwed up in confusion, "Who the hell is that?"

* * *

I am not sure if I have managed to finagle it to my liking. This one was tough. Let me know if it was confusing. Or just bad.

USR: 3


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